I should be proud of the chances I’ve taken and the changes I’ve made, really. I mean, a year ago I was in a relationship that wasn’t really working and living somewhere I didn’t really want to be. Now I live in Hebden, on my own, but I feel like I’m in a good place.

Workwise, I can’t really complain. Things are a little slower than I’d like them to be but that’s OK – I believe it’ll get better especially with Christmas coming up.

Socially things could be better, I suppose. I don’t see my friends from home as often as I would like, and perhaps I spend too many nights in with the cats and my guilty pleasure.

As far as love goes, well, nothing yet. I’ve joined the dating website but I’ve as yet found nobody who I believe I could share my life with. In fact, I find more potential in suitors when I see them just walking the streets of Hebden, or through the park, then when I get a little email alert.

Maybe I’m just a bit too much of a romantic, and my standards should
perhaps be revised.

Now that I’m 40, I think I also have a lot to be thankful for. I mean, I have my health, I have a business, a roof over my head and two cats who really love me. Things don’t have to be perfect just because my mother insists they must be. We live in a different world, her and I, and I wonder if she’ll ever truly see things from my perspective.

Here’s to 41 and thanks for reading!

Basically, someone had rated me four or five stars on the e-dating website, which made me feel like a hotel if I’m honest. Not that there’s anything wrong with feeling like a hotel. Actually, no, there is definitely something wrong with being made to feel like a hotel!

I’ve decided that there are more important things in life than dating, such as my organic food business. I’m still suffering thanks to a less-than-busy summer here in Hebden, but luckily I still have money left over from the fire at my dad’s old business to tide me over. Hidden blessings, and all that…

My mother called me yesterday. It was the first time I’d spoken to her in a while. Not much has changed between us really. She says she’s pleased about “my little grocery stall” and that she’s happy I’m happy, yet can’t resist telling me about the latest of my school friends to get married or pregnant. I honestly don’t care, mother!
Oh I feel bad criticising my own mother on the internet, but I guess she’ll never read it so…

My week has been hampered by the bad weather. Honestly, it’s August, there really shouldn’t be any rain! Because of the weather, I’ve not been able to indulge Plan B – taking my organic cart around the village. I should really focus on Plan A – selling over the internet – but it’s not massively inspiring to sit inside on a rainy day trying to think of ways to sell products people already have but for more money, even if it is more ethical.

Please don’t think I’m depressed at the moment, I’m really not, I think it’s just the weather!

“My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.” – Phyllis Diller

After the initial barrage of inquiries regarding my singledom, it would appear that interest in me has died out. I don’t know if I’m upset at the lack of response, or relieved that I am not receiving anymore. I just can’t put my finger on exactly why the emails have dried up.

Well, maybe I do – I didn’t reply to any, but only because there was no one who I thought I’d like to get to know!
Oh well, back to business I guess. Things are still slow and I still have a sneaking suspicion it’s because of the summer. Hebden has remained very quiet, bar the odd family coming down for the day. I often wonder what my life would have been like had I stayed with my ex and tried to raise a family.

Whenever I think that, however, I’m instantly reminded of the horrible things my ex used to say about children. Nobody should ever be called “little human dogs”. He wasn’t a very nice man, and if he popped up in my internet dating account I wouldn’t ‘wink’ at him no matter how hard his internet eyes fluttered!

If there’s been one saving grace this week it’s been that the weather has been OK. Sporadic, but OK. I don’t so much mind a wet August, as the temperature more or less stays the same. Probably sums up the frustration of my life at the moment really – lots of rain, lots of sun. Now, where’s that rainbow???

“I can’t go on anymore bad dates. I would rather be home alone than out with some guy who sells socks on the internet.” – Cynthia Nixon

“My marriage is on the rocks again; yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.” – Rodney Dangerfield

The online dating thing is going well… I think. The website I’m using has this feature called ‘Wink’ where people just send you a ‘wink’ rather than a personal message. It’s not very chivalrous and a little disheartening really. It actually makes me feel as uncomfortable as I would be if somebody winked at me in the street!

Still no knight in white shining armour yet though, and I’m very reluctant to message back the people I’ve so far received correspondence from. Oh well, I’ve always got my Jane Austen novels to read if I want some romantic passages to keep me occupied.

Business is drying up a little bit, perhaps because of the summer. I’m not sure really, as I’m yet to sit down and look at the figures. I assumed Hebden Bridge would be full of tourists and short break connoisseurs at this time of year, and that any small stalls I set up would flourish, but so far I’ve not seen any evidence of potential customers. Hmmm…

Last week, my biggest source of income came from a spot of casino gambling! I know it’s ever so naughty of me, but I was a little bit bored and had the money to spare! In saying that, the cats were glaring at me the whole time! Maybe they thought they would be out of smoked salmon until business picked up again if I lost! Haha (I actually have a secret stash of smoked salmon hidden somewhere in the house. It’s a secret where! Haha!)

Time to go, I’ll leave you with a quote I saw this week that made me laugh…

“A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend – and he’s a priest.” – Erma Bombeck

“Soulmates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you.” – Anon.

I’ve had a slew of responses to my advert on the dating website, so many that I feel almost embarrassed! Who would have guessed that there were so many single men on the internet?! I certainly didn’t. You always hear that it’s mainly single men looking for women who spend the most time on the internet, but I thought that was just a stereotype? After all, by that logic and the amount of time I spend online, I may as well be a single man! Haha!

Everybody who has so far been in touch with me has seemed thoroughly lovely, although I must admit no one has particularly leaped out at me. Then again, maybe it’s time I took some chances…

Men from around the UK have been in touch, and I’ve even had messages from wealthy men in Africa. Apparently they’ve been going through some financial trouble and need some help, but I’m not in any position to give away money just yet. I’ve replied and offered some organic chutney instead. That might help.

There’s a point – would my courier services deliver that far? Well, hopefully they’ll reply and I can get the chance to find out.

I also had a strange message from somebody who seemed to take my interest in astronomy as an indication that I have psychic powers…

“We’re an 88% match, which means you should have dreamed about me last night. Can you let me have Saturday’s lottery numbers?”

I didn’t reply… I wonder if he saw that coming???

Like I said, I’ve still not found my Prince Charming, but I’m happy to hold on for a few weeks until something comes along. I’ve been waiting 39 years after all!!

“Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” – Zora Neale Hurston

“Don’t cry for a man who’s left you, the next one may fall for your smile.” – Mae West

Well I did it! It took all my bottle to do it but I’ve just signed up for an e-dating website! It was really, really nerve-racking, and I was asked a whole host of strange questions. Some of them I’m not even sure are relevant!

I’ve put a picture up – admittedly from Christmas a couple of years ago in the Maldives – but I’m not that much different now really. I wonder who will get in touch… and I wonder if I can use my courier service to bring them straight to my door.

The last couple of days have been a bit strange, probably prompting this whole e-dating website episode. I’ve been stuck in, a bit fed up, talking to the cats and watching soppy movies. Everybody likes the old-fashioned black and white weepies, don’t they? I wonder when James Cagney will turn up at my door with some flowers hehe

I’ve checked my e-mail four times since I started writing this entry – oh dear!

Last night was strange. I spoke to Sally and she confirmed that my ex is indeed seeing someone else. Someone old enough to be his daughter apparently. It doesn’t surprise me if I’m honest – he’s got money and can offer things I suppose. What a shame he never thought to offer them to me!

Oh now I’m worried that any ‘matches’ I find online will be allergic to cats, or a terrible racist or something. What if they don’t like organic food, or think my business is a bit rubbish??? Oh I hope not – I just want plain sailing with all of this. Here’s hoping…

One thing I have to make sure of is that I do not neglect my business. It is, redundancy pay and house money excepted, my primary source of income now. Maybe if I keep my mind on work and not on my e-mail (still no messages…) there will be lots of exciting messages waiting for me at the end of the day.

Again, here’s hoping…

“Whenever I date a guy, I think, “Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?” – Rita Rudner

“Having someone wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night is a very old human need.” – Margaret Mead

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about getting back into the world of meeting people. Seeing as I’m now fully online from Hepden, I don’t see why I can’t sign up for one of these online e-dating websites.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not down with a kid – but I think I can manage my way around all the technology needed to get myself out there and maybe get a date! After all, if I can manage to set up a courier service for my business then I don’t see why I can’t get the internet to deliver me a gentleman!

I don’t know what I want to put about myself though. Here’s what I have so far:

Name: Jen Stark
Age: It’s rude to ask! (39)
Likes: Don’t know
Dislikes: Nothing really

That’s not so good. I might ring up my friend Sally later. I think she has experience with meeting men on the internet, so she might be able to help.

It’s all so daunting though! Do I really want to put a picture of myself on the internet because it’s a bit… well it’s not becoming of a woman from Hebden Bridge!

Oh dear, I sound like a Jane Austen character. Where is my Mr Darcy? Hopefully he will be on the other end of the dating website I join.

Goodness, imagine if I bump into my ex on there. Well, I don’t know how you bump into someone on the internet but you know what I mean. That might be embarrassing. Maybe he has moved on anyway, I will endeavour to find out later if I ring Sally for a good old fashioned gossip.

I’ll fill you all in on the details, as well as my online e-dating travails!

Wish me luck!

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” – Emily Kimbrough

“Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.” – Lily Tomlin

A lovely project put together in Hebden.

I don’t recognise anybody though!

“Reality is merely an illusion, although a very persistent one.” – Albert Einstein

“Quietude, which some men cannot abide because it reveals their inward poverty, is as a palace of cedar to the wise, for along its hallowed courts the King in his beauty deigns to walk.” – Charles H. Spurgeon

This is what I wake up to every day! Michael Aspel at this best…

“The pursuit, even of the best things, ought to be calm and tranquil.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

“I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.” – Albert Einstein

Life doesn’t move too quickly in Hebden, and that’s just the way I like it. In the city I found everything so hectic and it all went by so blindingly fast. Even in the quieter, bohemian areas everyone seemed to have an agenda, whether it was buying a house, burrowing a career or starting a family. Of course, there are nothing wrong with these things, I just wanted the still life. I think I’ve found that here in my own life, and with my business.

Things have been going steadily since my last blog. There have been no problems as of yet with the courier service I’ve opted for, and all bar one of the purchases I’ve made have had some nice feedback. Dare I say it, I think I’m making some headway and a bit of a name for myself around these parts!

I’m glad to see the weather letting up a bit this week. I’ve been roasting for the last month, and goodness knows how the cats are getting on. It might be an idea to get them shaved in the future – I don’t want them to bake!
There’s a thought. Is there a vets in Hepden? I haven’t come across one. I’ll have to ask around although, if I’m honest, I rarely see anyone to ask!

So, yes, life does move a little bit slowly in Hebden Bridge, but to be honest that’s the way I like it!

“A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy dare live.” – Bertrand Russell